Mindfulness Information for Families

Prepared by Rachel Razza

Being a parent is stressful enough without having to socially isolate. Currently, many of our stress management strategies, such as group exercise class or social activities with neighbors, are off-limits. Fortunately, one strategy that is very effective for reducing stress and anxiety and can be done quite easily in isolation is mindfulness-based practice. Mindfulness involves paying attention to the present moment experience with openness and acceptance. A basic practice that we can do anytime involves breath awareness, where we simply stop what we are doing for a few minutes and bring our attention to the breath, noting its quality and where we feel it in our body. We can observe the breath, but also change the breath, such as increasing the exhale, to help relax. If you are new to the practice, there are numerous free online resources to help you get started, with expanded services given the pandemic. These include video/audio-guided practices on websites such as the Greater Good Science Center and Mindful.org or apps such as Healthy Minds or Sanvello. While parents may benefit from taking a few minutes a day to practice mindfulness alone, there are also numerous practices and activities for families that can be done together to beat stress, boost our brains, and move our bodies.

What is Mindfulness?

I typically use Jon Kabat-Zinn’s definition, who developed the mindfulness-based stress reduction program, which is that mindfulness is “paying attention in a particular way; on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally.” It is the practice of being in the “here and now,” and can be done anytime during the day – at home, in the car, while we are waiting in line. It involves bringing your full attention to what you are experiencing at the time, which could be noticing physical sensations, thoughts, or emotions and accepting them without being critical.

One source of confusion is that the terms mindfulness and meditation are often used interchangeably. While they are related, they are also distinct.

Meditation is a more formal and intentional exercise where we purposefully set aside time to practice. Meditations often include focusing our attention on a specific object, such as our breath, a mantra, or a visualization. There are many forms of mediation, some of which include movement, like walking or yoga, and others that focus on common humanity, such as loving-kindness exercises.

However, one common type of meditation is mindfulness meditation. Thus, while mindfulness can be informal, such as just being more aware in your daily life, it can also be more formal, as in an intentional practice, or meditation, to cultivate awareness and to manage stress. Mindfulness meditations often include focusing on your breath as the anchor, although the anchor can also be less controversial areas, such as your feet. Mindfulness meditations also include body scans and listening exercises.

Common Misconceptions

I think that a common misconception of mindfulness is that you need to carve out a large portion of the day to practice. What we know from research is that even a few minutes a day can help reduce stress and promote wellbeing. What is key is consistency! Just like physical exercise, if we want the benefits to last, we need to practice. Thus, the idea is that with more practice, we can maintain the benefits of mindfulness and it becomes more automatic for us.

Another misconception is that our mind will be calm while we practice. One concern from students at the beginning of the semester is that they are worried that they are “doing it wrong.” In other words, they can’t shut down their thoughts, or their mind keeps wandering from their breath and they lose focus. But that is actually how we practice and get better. For example, if we are doing a breath meditation, every time our mind wanders and we realize it and shift our attention back to the breath, we are strengthening our skill and reinforcing those neural connections. We want to notice, acknowledge, and re-focus.

Getting Started

In Mindful Leader, we talked about 4 key ingredients or attitudes for making our practice easier and more enjoyable.

  1. No expectations
  2. No judgement
  3. Be an observer
  4. Bring a beginner’s mind

Also, I encourage you to try different things and start small. Some people use a reminder on their phone, or a sticky note on their computer to remind them to stop and do a brief mindful practice. In fact, there is even a simple one that uses the acronym S.T.O.P., – with the S for stop what we are doing, T for take a breath (or a few conscious breaths), O for observe what is arising for us (thoughts – maybe worries, emotions – are we angry/sad, bodily sensations (are we clenching our jaw or tensing our shoulders), and P for proceed with calmness.

Explore Various Exercises

There are also so many different practices, that I would encourage people to try different approaches to see what works well for them. This may be helpful to people who are just starting out, but also to those with experience, as it is possible that practices that did not resonate with you in the past, may be very relevant for you now. By doing this you can build a toolbox of practices that you can rely on.

Some of us are very visual, so we may want to try practices that allow us to keep our eyes open, such as mindful coloring books or mandalas. One of my favorite mindful activities is making a puzzle – think about it – you are in the moment, actively searching for a piece that has a certain shape and color and you have to orient it just right to fit. Or, if you have a fitbit, there is the 2 or 5-min breathing ball that you can watch that expands and contracts with your breath. You can also follow a theme for a week, such as noticing a certain color in the environment (I tried this in my courses and the students and I journaled daily about the color blue and where we noted in our environments)

Others are more auditory, and may benefit from listening practices, where we bring awareness to sounds in our bodies, in the room, or in the outside environment. We can also listen for certain sounds, like a bell or singing bowl or enjoy music.

For those who like real-time feedback, there are interactive meditation products like untye (that measures heart rate and breath) or muse (research-grade EEG device that passively senses your brain activity and translates it into the guiding sounds of weather to help you stay calm & focused).

Give Mindfulness Apps a Try!

There are also numerous apps, many of which are free, that can be a good starting place. These include Headspace, Insight Timer, Calm, or Healthy Minds. There are also great online resources with free exercises like mindful.org, greater good science center, or The Center for Healthy Minds at the University of Wisconsin–Madison. Sanvello is free to SU faculty, staff, and students.

Helpful Resources for Adults

An Unexpected Opportunity for Practice

While the coronavirus has put us into a place of uncertainty, it may also be an opportunity for us to take some time to try mindfulness, at our own pace, in our homes, and possibly with family.

This is a good time to develop a toolbox of practices, which we can rely on now and in the future.

As parents, we may want to carve out a few minutes, several times a day, to take a mindful minute or two. Maybe do some breathing exercises, take a minute to relax our facial muscles, particularly our jaw or eyes, or do some chair or desk yoga. Even better, since we are at home, we may have access to more props, like our yoga mats, music, essential oil diffusers, or even our pets and can take some time to do these things that we cannot typically do while we are at work (and without others watching)!

But, we may also want to try practices with our children, as they also benefit from mindfulness – it can be a way for them to manage stress, promote self-regulation, and cultivate self-compassion.

You could take a walk and notice growth in the trees and flowers in our yards, or listen to see if we can differentiate all of types of bird calls we can hear this spring. Nature has a restorative effect on us – so get outside!

There are also a number of resources geared toward mindfulness for children – some of your children may already be practicing some mindfulness or yoga via go-noodle, which is popular with teachers and used as brain breaks during the day.

There are also great websites with resources like Susan Kaiser Greenland’s site where you can help your children make glitter jars and listen to guided activities. Or daily practices with Mindful Schools. These simple exercises may be geared to children, but adults can benefit from them too!

Many of the children’s yoga sites are posting even more free resources during this time.

There may even be other organizations that we belong to that are offering opportunities – Peloton the online fitness program just created a “peloton family” series with 5 to 20 min family fitness opportunities. Or the YMCA created a “daily dozen challenge” for movement breaks. Check to see what local organizations are offering in terms of family programming.

Selected Mindfulness/Yoga Resources for Children and Youth: